The Lair Of Evan Proctor

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

vitaminsobsession:

fuckyeah-nerdery:

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

buttships-were-meant-2spooky:


this is the best thing in the entire world

she should greet jane as if nothing happened and see how jane reacts

she should avoid school the next day. And the next. Every night, she should put on the exact outfit she had on that day, hose herself down until she’s completely drenched and stand in Jane’s yard. When Jane is home alone, she should approach the window, staring at her. Knock on it if you don’t have her attention. 
That’ll get her back for killing you and trying to hide the evidence.

Ease up there, Satan.

Ease up? SHE TRIED TO KILL HER

vitaminsobsession:

fuckyeah-nerdery:

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

buttships-were-meant-2spooky:

this is the best thing in the entire world

she should greet jane as if nothing happened and see how jane reacts

she should avoid school the next day. And the next. Every night, she should put on the exact outfit she had on that day, hose herself down until she’s completely drenched and stand in Jane’s yard. When Jane is home alone, she should approach the window, staring at her. Knock on it if you don’t have her attention. 

That’ll get her back for killing you and trying to hide the evidence.

Ease up there, Satan.

Ease up? SHE TRIED TO KILL HER

toodandy:

Might i remind you I’ve never talked to him before nor have I ever been in a relationship

It’s funny cause i know him

toodandy:

Might i remind you I’ve never talked to him before nor have I ever been in a relationship

It’s funny cause i know him

aj-hateley:

There’s 5% off all Dragon Prints on Gametee with the code DRAGONDISCOUNT5 at checkout - PLUS a super cute free art card randomly chosen from the selection above with every order.

www.gametee.co.uk/category/dragons-of-videogames

The Dragons of Videogame series is a collaboration by myself and the incredible Pythos - AJ

tastefullyoffensive:

If Disney Princesses Were Actually Sloths by Jen Lewis

Previously: Nicolas Cage as Disney Princesses

rnerci:

scaryly:

rnerci:

scaryly:

rnerci:

apparently a vagina’s pH level is 4.5 

WHICH MEANS THAT IF A MAN HAS TOO MUCH SEX WITHOUT CONDOM HIS PENIS COULD ERODE

uhhh dont you mean dissolve

IT COULD ERODE

as I proud penis owner i can tell you now that the penis is not made of metal therefore it will not erode, but dissolve

IT COULD ERODE

Tumblring on my phone
Mom: who are you texting?
Me: nobody
Mom: what are you doing then?
Me: nothing

guy:

"hey! you can only have one!!"

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